ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
