I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
