i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
