Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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