Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
