Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
