why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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