You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
