I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
