You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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