I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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