im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
