Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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