If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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