Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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