I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
