FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
