this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
