I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
