Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
