no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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