I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
