I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
