I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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