You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
