i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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