hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
