I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize