good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
