he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
