the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
