you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
