your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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