I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
