Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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