Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
