Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
