Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
