Will you blow on my dice?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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