Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it's great music for shaving your balls
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
