come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
