So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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