I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
