My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I love you. Go after that dick
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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