If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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