just come out here and I will go home with you...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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