I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
