i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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