Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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