As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
