drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize