so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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