just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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