Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
