Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
