Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
