why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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