I need to stop coming to work sober
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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