i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
