I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
