He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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